1970s comics ads: Gritboy!

Here we have "The Adventures of Gritboy" from Defenders #63 from 1978! Grit was a newspaper that kids could sell to earn some extra cash:

Yep, he sure did have a problem! And you know what it really was? He (and his buddies) wore the exact same clothes every day!







The actual final panel ought to go like this:

Who'da thunk it?

(I'm continuing some "reprints" of past comics-related posts from my politics blog as I plan on eventually deleting that category from the site ...)

Who would have thought this, huh? Check out this advertisement from Avengers #165 from 1977:

Yep, that's an ad for the "All-New" X-Men. "All-new" because in order to boost sales (yes, you read that right) in the mid-70s, writer Len Wein and artist Dave Cockrum revised the original line-up of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's merry mutants that launched in 1963. Included in that line-up was a dude named ... Wolverine. Heard of him? ;-)

But that's only part of the story. Check out what is circled in red from above:




Indeed -- X-Men magazine used to come out once every two months!! Looking back from today this is an astonishing bit of trivia. X-Men was actually almost canceled completely because of poor sales in the early 70s. The book was only comprised of reprints of earlier issues for most of that time period. Then, in 1975, Wein and Cockrum came out with Giant-Size X-Men #1 ...

... and about 20 years later the mutant characters were by far Marvel Comics' greatest creative asset. They pretty much remain so today, too. Wolverine may even be more popular than Marvel's "flagship" character of Spider-Man. There have been three "X-Men" movies, and the "Wolverine" flick.

By the way, if you're looking for a nice copy of Giant-Size X-Men #1, good luck. That, and make sure your bank account is well padded.

1970s comics ads: The anti-gravity device!

Hey everyone! Can you believe we've all been sitting on our asses while the greatest invention of the last 500 years was discovered over forty years ago?? That's right -- I just found this ad in yet another early 1970s Iron Man issue (#49 from 1972, specifically):

Can you imagine that? For a crummy quarter and a dime, an ANTI-GRAVITY DEVICE can be yours!!

What's not generally known is that Tony Stark (Iron Man's alter-ego) created the thing! That's right -- and then he proved what a lousy capitalist he is by offering it to the public at large ... for a crummy 35 cents!

Sheesh.

Tales of the DISPROPORTIONATE HEROES!

The (awesome) Iron Man cartoon opening from 1996:

Notice at the very end when IM punches the steel wall? He swings with his right arm, but the impression on the wall ... is of his left fist! DOH!

1970s comics ads: G.I. Joe and Bulletman

(I'm continuing some "reprints" of past comics-related posts from my politics blog as I plan on eventually deleting that category from the site ...)

Of course, one of the more facetious aspects about collecting comics back in the day was the cheesy ads found at the very back of the books. In the mid-70s, many of these featured GI Joe and the various incarnations thereof. By "various incarnations" I mean the attempt by Hasbro to make Joe characters more "superhero-like." Take this ad, for instance (click on image for a larger version):

In the first panel, we see Mike Power, Atomic Man lugging around Eagle-Eye GI Joe. Notice it says that they're "on patrol." On patrol?? 'Ya think they could get Eagle-Eye Joe some sort of gandola or something to sit in, don'tcha? I mean, he's gotta just hang on to Mike Power's leg the whole time?? (Better view on the second panel below.) Face it -- after about ten minutes of grabbing a mere leg, Eagle-Eye would be bitching to his superiors "Hey guys, let's get real here. Gimme a friggin' seat or somethin', huh? I'm not super-strong, after all! All I got are sharp eyes!!"





But this ad actually introduces another GI Joe "superhero" into the mix: Bulletman, the Human Bullet. Not only does he have a costume that'd make the guys on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" wince, but he's quick with the witty quip, too!



In addition, it is a bit perplexing how Bulletman just ups and joins the GI Joe Crew with no hesitation whatsoever:




How d'ya like that? Bulletman, the Human Bullet and World's Thickest Superhero. I mean, there could be no chance that Mike Power and Eagle Eye could be ... Soviet Agents, right? (Remember -- this is the mid-70s!) "Hey Bulletman, come on back with us to our HQ so we can get you squared away with joining our little coffee clatch ... !" **WHAM!!** Instant prisoner. Now here comes the KGB to claim their prize!

Mark, over at the awesome Comic Coverage, has the scoop on a different Bulletman.

1970s comics ads: The Six Million Dollar Man

One of the few sci-fi staples of the 1970s was the TV show "Six Million Dollar Man." Lee Majors (married at the time to goddess Farrah Fawcett) played Colonel Steve Austin, an astronaut who is severely injured in a flight accident, and is subsequently "rebuilt" with bionic implants which essentially make him a super-human. The show was a smash hit, and of course, numerous Six Million Dollar Man products hit the kiddie shelves as well as comicbook advertising pages (click image for larger view):

Sure, by today's standards the ad is beyond cheesy, but what makes this cheese especially high in dairy fat is Steve Austin's "Special Mission Outfit":


Denim leisure suit?? For "special" missions? Like, where -- rooting out the Communist influence from ... Studio 54?

Rob Liefeld's hackery continued: Agent America

Here's a reprint of a segment of an Advanced Iron article I wrote back in late 2004:

In what I could dub “It Came From the Rip-Off Bin,” I actually got for free what is essentially an advertisement for totally lame comic “creator” Rob Liefeld’s AGENT: AMERICA (see below).

Cripes, the utter gall it took to “create” such a rip-off of CAPTAIN AMERICA must’ve known no bounds. After Liefeld was axed by Marvel for his pathetic job on volume 2 CAPT. AMERICA, he founded a co. called “Awesome Entertainment.” There, he acquired the rights to a Jack Kirby character called “Fighting American” who Jack created with Joe Simon in the 50s as an American “Cold Warrior.” Liefeld used his never-realized “ideas” from vol. 2 CAP in AGENT: AMERICA … wait, check that – he ultimately decided to use the old Kirby moniker of FIGHTING AMERICAN. Because …

… considering how pathetically close an imitation AGENT: AMERICA was to CAPTAIN AMERICA, Marvel sued Liefeld. The court’s decision was that Liefeld and Awesome Entertainment could keep FIGHTING AMERICAN (seen at left) but not AGENT, and he could never be seen throwing his shield. In addition, Rob had to alter FA’s costume to make it less “Cap-like.”

Yeesh. Doing online research about this story got me pretty confused. I think the above nails down pretty well what transpired. However, I did discover that DC had once revived FIGHTING AMERICAN in 1994 as a pretty straightforward revamp of Kirby and Simon’s character. Thanks to the UK International Hero website and Christopher Vanette for their valuable insight.

***************

Again, if you haven't yet checked out this site dedicated to Liefeld's lameness, be sure to stop by.

(A slightly modified post of this was published at The Colossus of Rhodey a year ago.)

The definition of coolness

OK, if 'ya don't know by now, 'ol Hube is one big Iron Man fan. He has been since his youngest days as a lad. In the 1990s, I made use of my immense Iron Man knowledge by contributing to Advanced Iron, the Iron Man fan magazine or "fanzine" as they're known. When volume 3 Iron Man began (1998, known as "Heroes Return"), I and other fanzine contributors got to know many of the title's creators pretty well. The inaugural artist of volume 3 IM was one Sean Chen. Sean was just then making his big foray into big-time comics, and was quite thankful for the exposure and encouragement our fanzine gave him.

In December of 2001 when my family and another were vacationing in New York City, Sean was gracious enough to invite me to his Manhattan apartment/studio for a visit. Wow -- what a life! And I mean that most enviously. Sean had a terrific view of the Empire State Building, and his domicile was also his studio where he churned out all his work. He is one awesome guy.

And unbeknownst to me when I first bought Iron Man volume 3 #17, Sean included a tiny "hat-tip" to yours truly:

Yep, that's the name "Hube" on top of that taxi! The [main] panel is 'ol Tony Stark introducing one his many squeezes to secretary Virginia "Pepper" Potts (who was played by Gwyneth Paltrow in the movie). I said "unbeknownst to me" because I never noticed it when I first read the issue. It wasn't until I received an e-mail from Sean asking me "what I thought of that taxi" that I realized what Chen had did!

In a word or two, how cool is that?

(A slightly modified version of this post appeared at The Colossus of Rhodey about a year ago.)

Tales of the DISPROPORTIONATE HEROES!

Yep, comics artists are people too, so yep -- they make mistakes like anyone else. Stan Lee, when he began the "No-Prize" decades ago, pretty much enabled fans to go looking for any sort of blunder they could find in Marvel's pages.

Today we have the cover to Uncanny X-Men #173. Paul Smith had just recently assumed art chores from stalwart X-artist Dave Cockrum, and this Wolverine-dominated cover is pretty darn cool ... except that new X-Man Rogue must have some fairly ... unique anatomy:

Where, precisely, is her right leg bending? At that angle, it'd have to going through her left leg -- at least partially. The way she's depicted, there's just no way for that right leg to be anywhere else! And if it's somehow neatly "wrapped" around her left leg, then Smith's [non-existent] next panel would have to be of Rogue falling smack on her face.

Cap no longer has to "cover up"

The world we live in:

Courtesy Bizarro.

Dullard Wizard

Look, when I buy a comics info mag, why the hell would I want to constantly see highlighted the guy I didn't vote for for president? Comics are supposed to be about a reality break. Wizard #211 and #212 both feature the CiC on their covers -- #211 a pic of Barack and Michelle Obama (from a comic, I assume) doing their "fist bump" and mentioning how the couple "rule" comics, toys and more. Uh-huh. Right. #212 highlights the FREE! Obama Topps [trading] card that's inside the issue. I'm sure kids are going wild trading the things that in a few months will be absolutely worthless. Much like the over-hyped comics editions that featured the prez.

#211 features a two-page spread on all the Obama "collectibles" available. Call me cynical, but isn't that John K. Limited Edition 9" Barack Obama on page 17 (see below) just a little ... offensive?

And wow -- look at all those comics Barack has been featured in! #212, on page 78, has two of these issues as their "Top 5 Premiums" -- the "hottest exclusives and variants." They write:

In this month's top five, the quickest way to make the moolah should be
pretty obvious -- slap a president with a 63 percent approval rating in the
book.

Is that right? George W. Bush actually had a higher rating than that after his first 100 days in office; where were all the guest appearances by him in comics in early 2001? Cheeyeah, right. A conservative Republican endorsed by modern comics writers? HA! And c'mon -- $200 freakin' dollars for Savage Dragon #137 -- just 'cuz Obama's on the cover? Outrageous. What makes that so laughable is that nobody even freakin' reads Savage Dragon.

#212 also has an entire page devoted to those Topps trading cards. Aww ... isn't this one sweet?

Then there's the advertisement for the President Obama issue of ToyFare (#143):

Dude, fix that friggin' collar, will'ya?

#211 has the "25 Reasons J.J. Abrams' New 'Star Trek' Film Will Live Long and Prosper." Now, the one thing that gets me about Wizard, perhaps above all else, is that its writers come off as omniscient "experts" on not just comics, but popular culture in general. And there's nothing more annoying about supposed experts just outright blowing simple facts. They did this in #209 when "informing" us about Iron Man; they do it again here with "Trek." With #8 on their list they get right an obscure fact -- that supposed Enterprise captain Robert April is "non-canonical" (Trek author Michael Okuda patterned April after "Trek" founder Gene Roddenberry) -- but in #15 they write the following:

Despite being the birthplace of arguably the series' most beloved character,
we've spent little actual time on Spock's homeworld, Vulcan (aside from the
"Amok Time" OS episode and a few scenes in "The Voyage Home").

But that's far from accurate. The prequel series "Enterprise" featured several episodes that highlighted Vulcan, including a two-parter that was almost entirely on the planet. What -- is "Enterprise" not treated as canon, too?

In addition, #23 states (regarding Starfleet Academy) "The breeding ground of Starfleet's elite has often been alluded to, but we've never really been allowed into the much-vaunted halls of Starfleet Academy." Really? Tell that to "Next Generation's" "The First Duty" which took place almost entirely on the Academy's campus! (This was the episode where Wesley Crusher, while at the Academy, got into some hot water hotdogging it up with some pals in their fighter craft, and it led to a fellow recruit's death.)

Hube's "AW C'MON!" post of the week

Right to the point: After watching "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" with me, my buddy Brent told me I just had to check out this issue of Wolverine that he had. "You won't believe it," it said.

Indeed I didn't.

Wolverine #48 by writer Marc Guggenheim only served to make me guffaw a [very] loud "AW C'MON!!" #48 continues the story from #43, where villain Nitro blows himself up and atomizes not only Wolverine but the rest of a strike team assigned to take him out for his actions at the beginning of the epic "Civil War" saga.

Notice I said "atomizes." (See at left.) Of course, Wolverine's adamantium skeleton prevents him from being completely disintegrated. That's because the adamantium is not a natural part of his body -- it is an artificial man-made metal infused into him some 30+ years ago. But all of Wolverine's natural body was zapped. Completely.

This doesn't stop Guggenheim from concocting one of the most laughable moments I've read in a Marvel comic. He makes Wolverine immortal. Even though only his adamantium remains ... and the rest of him was totally destroyed ... Wolverine's body regenerates. Completely.

AW, C'MON!!

Sorry, but [much] better creators like Chris Claremont and John Byrne knew that Wolverine isn't totally invulnerable. Just look at the classic "Days of Future Past" two-parter. In the second issue (Uncanny X-Men #142), an aged Colossus "fastball specials" Wolverine toward a supposedly unsuspecting Sentinel. But the giant robot turns quickly, and flash fries Wolverine -- leaving only his skeleton remaining. His fellow surviving X-Men all are horrified by the fact that he "was gone."

Wolverine #48: Yet another reason I don't buy modern comics anymore.

1970s and 80s comics ads: The severed finger (and more)

I'll never forget when I bought Iron Man #100. It was our local 7-11; I had ridden my Schwinn 10-speed up there with a couple quarters in hand, and upon exiting with this prized issue, I ran into a couple acquaintances of a good buddy of mine. I knew these guys were funny dudes, but I didn't realize how funny until they asked to see my comic ... and totally ripped on the ad on the back cover: The classic Spalding "Street Ball" featuring Rick Barry and Dr. J!! The funniest part was this panel:

How is that a 30-footer?? Look where he's jumping from! He's almost right next to the key, for cripe's sake!! A 30-footer is almost a half-court shot straight away from the basket! Check out professional court dimensions here. But hey, given the previous panel where 'ol Doc slams the balls home, they hadda make poor Rick look good somehow! (Full disclosure: I live near Philly and am a lifelong Dr. J. fan. Met him and got his autograph back in 1980.)

Then I noticed this ad after pulling that pic of Count Nefaria (from Avengers #165) for my Adamantium post:

OK, why would someone want a gag severed finger ... as a keychain?? And what "quality parts" does this "Finger Factory" use in their ... ingredients?? And last but not least, who would even fall for this??

Lastly, while combing through Deadman #1 (1985) there was this (very tiny) ad:

Twenty-four years ago and a tiny, barely noticeable ad wants $5.00 for ... magic spells. Call me crazy but it's this sort of ad that kinda makes wonder if $5.00 might actually be worth it ... !!

(Fairly brief) "Wolverine" review (spoilers!)

Just got back a little while ago (yesterday now, by the time I'm getting this post up) from seeing "Wolverine" (hope you don't me not using the unnecessarily long "X-Men Origins: Wolverine") and without going into an in-depth review, I'd like to add a few thoughts for your more in-the-know [Marvel] comics fan.

First, I'd give the movie a "B-," meaning it was simply good. The action is great as are the F/X, but the backstory is skimpy enough and has enough "WTFs" in it that it prevents anything more. The beginning is well done in that it, a la "Watchmen," shows in flashbacks Wolverine ("James" or "Jimmy," as brother Sabretooth calls him, as in James Howlett from "Origin") and Sabretooth from their beginnings as young boys (in the mid-1800s!!) through the 1970s. Wolvie and 'Tooth take part in every major conflict from the American Civil War through Vietnam. During 'Nam, William Stryker (from "X-Men 2" infamy) pops up to recruit the mutant brothers to his special task force. Wolvie doesn't much like the killing that goes on, so he ups and leaves after a few missions.

Ha.

Stryker and the force keep tabs on him during Wolvie's "normal" life as a lumberjack(!), eventually "inducing" him to come back through deception.

Here are some of the more notable "WTF" moments, big and small. Or, as my teaching colleague, good friend and comics aficionado Brent would say, "COME ON!! moments":

• Stryker and the doctors of the Weapon X program went to great pains to make sure Wolverine knew he'd be in utter agony during the Adamantium bonding process. Yet, the procedure didn't convey that agony to the degree you'd expect. I was expecting Jackman to be thrashing about uncontrollably and look like a guy on the verge of madness. Nothing even close to that was shown. COME ON!!
• My pal Brent caught this one: As Agent Zero and other Stryker hitmen are attempting to off Wolverine, Logan is finally victorious after smashing the helicopter they're all on. He crashes with the copter, and rolls several hundred feet along a gravel road. (Obviously, his new Adamantium bones and healing factor save him.) But -- his new leather coat appears brand-spankin' new in the very next scene ... after it should'a been torn to shreds from the recent battle!! COME ON!!
• How'd Wolverine lose his memory of all this? The movie "covers" this angle -- by having Stryker shoot two Adamantium bullets into Logan's skull! (A doctor informs Stryker that "his brain will heal," but Stryker then says "his memories won't.") OK, I'll buy that ... but Logan's healing powers won't close up two holes in his Adamantium skull!! He'd be walking around forever with these two bullet holes! Why didn't Jean Grey detect these in "X-Men" when she was checking Logan out in the medical lab? COME ON!!
• Stryker's lab was located at ... Three Mile Island? (Gambit implies to Logan that "that'd be the last place you'd expect to find such a facility" -- Stryker's -- so ...) But Gambit and Logan fly right over the place in a Cesna! Like, it's a nuclear power plant!! Even back in the 1970s (where the bulk of the movie occurs) there were regulations (and protections) about such actions due to terrorism/infiltration concerns. Yet there's Gambit and Logan flying right in ... COME ON!!
• Unless I missed something, Emma Frost -- whose skin can turn into diamond -- was housed in a ... steel cage?? She couldn't break out of that?? COME ON!! (By the way, when did she get such powers? I know this was established in the comics, but when did she move from a mentalist to diamond-hard skin?)
• How come Sabretooth didn't recognize Wolverine in "X-Men"?? Sure, Logan's memories are shot, but 'Tooth's?? COME ON!!

Liev Schreiber ("The Manchurian Candidate"), who plays Sabretooth, is by far the best of the cast. His lust for blood and killing are aptly portrayed. And the chick who plays Logan's squeeze (Lynn Collins)? YOWSAH!!